Grocery Coupon Network’s Survival Guide for the Zombie Apocalypse

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How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

At Grocery Coupon Network, we are Halloween fanatics and we’re super excited about The Walking Dead coming back on Sunday! So we whipped up this Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse to help you be prepared if (when) the dead start to rise.

Survive the Zombie Apocalype

Transcript: Everything You Need To Know About Zombies

Though the zombie apocalypse may never actually come (oooor will it??), it’s already here culturally.

So let’s take a moment to think about what exactly life would be like if ‘walkers’ emerged out of our imaginations and into our lives.

The term ‘zombie’ is thought to come from the Haitian Creole term ‘zonbi’: a person come back to life without free will. So-called ‘modern zombies’ first appeared in George Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead” in 1968. They were:

  • Slow-moving
  • Decomposing
  • Cannibalistic
  • Infect others through bite
  • Absent Cognitive function
  • No Biological function other than hunger.

How Zombie’s Speed Has Evolved

Dawn of the Dead (1978 Movie): 0.4 Steps Per Second (SPS)
World War Z (2006 Novel): 0.7 SPS
Night of the Living Dead (1968 Movie): 1 SPS
28 Days Later (2002 Movie): 3.9 SPS
Dawn of the Dead (2004 Remake): 4.4 SPS
World War Z (2013 Movie): 6.7 SPS

And the average person? … 3 SPS walking and 6 SPS running, so you better hope you encounter some of the more leisurely zombies.

Seek and Ye Shall Find

An Oxford study looked into the geographic concentration of zombie-related references and mapped them out. (See map above)

Safest Places to Head to in the United States

Where should you go? Study finds these are the 3 safest places in the U.S.:

  1. Mount Weather Emergency Station, Blue Ridge Mountains (Where Dick Cheney headed on 9/11/2001)
  2. Capitol Visitors Center, Washington D.C. (Rumored to have been built to safeguard congress in an emergency)
  3. Raven Rock Mountain Complex, Waynesboro, PA (A Top secret military site rumored to house an entire underground city)

What Supplies Do You Need to Survive?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have you covered with this Zombie Preparedness List (for real, they actually made one in 2005!):

  • Water (1 gallon per person, per day)
  • Food (use coupons and stock up on non-perishable food)
  • Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds you can find at stores like Walgreens)
  • Tools and supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery-powered radio, etc.)
  • Sanitation and hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
  • Clothing and bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets. The thicker, the better for bite-prevention)
  • Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate, to name a few)
  • First aid supplies (although you’re really a goner if a zombie bites you)

90% of zombies are going down with a good bash to the head, so here are some ‘tools’ you’re going to want:

  • Baseball bat
  • Crowbar or tire iron
  • Cricket bat/field hockey stick
  • Axe
  • Golf clubs

Anatomy of a Bug-Out Bag

This is a backpack you’ve prepared just for this eventuality:

  • Flashlight and extra batteries
  • Maps
  • Water filtration tabs/water container
  • Calorie-dense foods (trail mix, lean protein, nut butters, fish and meat canned in fats and oils)
  • Wind-up radio
  • Waterproof matches
  • Space blanket
  • Change of clothes
  • Knife
  • Rope
  • Cash
  • Jewelry, coins: anything made from precious metals incase currency collapses.

Get Shopping/Looting

It’s estimated that typical stockpiles of ‘slow’ (non-perishable) and ‘fast’ (perishable) groceries stand at about 13.5 days and 9 days, respectively. That’s in a non-apocalypse scenario.

Stock up on items with extended lifespans – like canned, freeze-dried and preserved items – to ensure you and your family don’t go hungry.

Alternatively, you can buy tailor-made survival kits from Wise Food Storage.

Duct Tape: About as Versatile as It Gets During the Zombie Attack

Americans buy about $100 million of this wonder-tape each and every year. It can do a a lot:

  • Patch almost anything (tents, clothing, your body)
  • Twist it to make rope
  • Reseal food packaging
  • Form it into a cup/bowl for eating
  • Handcuffs
  • Make Gloves
  • Make Shoes

What To Leave At Home

  • Credit/Bank Cards (Cash, Gold/Silver are still good!)
  • Electronic devices (other than radios)
  • Family heirlooms other than a photograph

Sadly the Odds Are Against Us in a Zombie Apocalypse

In a notoriously comprehensive academic study out of Canada, 3 out of 4 ‘scenarios’ resulted in the end of the human race.

Only ‘complete eradication’ of zombies resulted in the continuation of the human race.

Think ‘New’ Currency

The first thing that’s going to go is money, so it’s important to stock up on items that will have increased value post-apocalypse.

  • Alcohol: Though it won’t do you any good, there are people who are going to want to escape the present, and they’ll trade anything to do it.
  • Ammunition: Just remember to save some for yourself.
  • Gasoline: Make sure to have a few jerry cans handy in case you find a car with a full tank abandoned on the side of the road.
Good luck out there folks!

 

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